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Friday, August 22, 2014

We interrupt this blog....

***PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT***

Attention all citizens:

The following are not emergencies:

1) bug bites - unless it have swollen to the size of a baseball

2) the fact that you cannot control your teenage daughter or son

3) you are fatigued or can't sleep

4) you want your son, daughter, brother, sister, etc. to get chemical dependency treatment

5) the condom broke

6) you are hungover

7) G tube not working

8) the cut is less than 1"

9) any kind of medication refill

10) menstrual cramps

That is all...go about your business.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

drug seeker fail


What is lower than being a failure as a drug seeker?

Lets set the scene:  You have a headache. Never had one before and IT IS SO BAD.  "I don't know what's wrong with me!!" (Cue look of alarm).  You had even gone to your doctor and were given a non narcotic prescription which you tried....but alas, you had what could only be described as an anaphylactic reaction that involved your throat closing up.  Did you seek help with your anaphylactic reaction at the nearest ER?  No you went home, drank a lot of fluids and it resolved on its own.  Wow..

Do you have any allergies?  Why of course you do and they are all to the medications that are a non-narcotic choice for pain.  Here's the thing: You have the same anaphylactic throat closing thing with all of them.  You tell me about 8 of them and state "I have more but I can't remember what they are"...

You are taken back to a room where you tell the NP that the headache may have resulted from the terrible fall you took at work (the plot thickens). By the way, you say, "I work in the medical field".  So you couldn't possibly be drug seeker/surely you'll be sympathetic because of that (the whole comraderie of medical workers thing)/I know what I'm talking about when it comes to this allergy idea.

Grade: FAIL

You really need to refine your presentation.    

#Ferguson

I have been watching the events in Ferguson the last few nights.  Let me preface this by saying, I know that often in demonstrations there are a few people who want to provoke violence.  I used to be a protester back in the day and it was a known fact that this would happen sometimes.

However, what is happening in Ferguson is totally ridiculous. It is so obvious that the police are out to start something every night. Its like they have a meeting every day and they make a decision what time they are going to line up 1,000 deep across an intersection. This angers the protesters who are peacefully demonstrating.. Eventually the police start lobbing tear gas, smoke canisters and sometimes rubber bullets.

I have watched the reports on TV where police officials say molotov cocktails provoke these nightly tear gas episodes.  No one who is actually at the front line of these things have ever seen molotov  cocktails.  A molotov cocktail is a bottle with gas in it, with a piece of cloth that comes out of the top.  It is lit on fire and then thrown.  I assume it would cause a small explosion or fire.  None of this has been observed by reporters or protesters.

There is a lot of talk  by the police and government officials about how much they want people to be able to protest.  So a couple of nights they have a curfew.  Then tonight they tell everyone they have to be moving all the time or will be subject to arrest.  In other words they are interfering with their right to protest.  Freedom of assembly is part of our constitution.

To say that this has been mishandled by the local police, the governor of the state and other officials is a vast understatement. They have come off as bumbling idiots.

No doubt this officer will be arrested eventually.  He will probably go to trial.  Its the only thing that CAN happen.  If he is never arrested,
 these protests will explode across the country.  The Ferguson thing will seem like peanuts when that happens.


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Monday, August 18, 2014

the lighted rock thingy in the lobby




Welcome to hood hospital. Allow our valet to park your car. Here is a member of the administration to direct you to your destination as you enter the door to our feng shui appointed lobby. Notice our lobby resembles a hotel with its muted tones, player piano, large wall fountain, some kind of large lighted rock thingy.

Up the stairs to your right you will find a coffee shop with lattes, mochas or a light snack for your convenience and enjoyment. A little more hungry than that? Let me show you to the 23 hour unhealthy fast food restaurant premises. There you can mix with the colorful locals. 

Need toiletries? Our gift shop will provide what you need along with books, magazines, flowers and assorted doodads.

 Don't forget to step outside to our "healing garden". There you will find benches, tables, a waterfall with streaml and beautiiful trees and flowers to soothe your stresses away. 

Here for a heart problem? Step into our state of the art heart hospital with individually appointed rooms with tv with cable (of course), wood flooring and pull out couch for family members to spend the night. Each floor has a well appointed lobby with fireplace, some with balconies. 

Hungry? Order directly from our "room service menu? between the hours of 6am and 6 pm.  

Feeling particularly stressed? The nurse can put you in touch with the "rich person who wanted their name on something integrated holistic healing centerr", all part of our services here at hood hospital. Employees will be happy to give you a massage, provide aromatherapy and music therapy and even accupuncture. We also have "energy healing including Reiki and healing touch".

There is a convenient hotel down the street for your guests and family and there is a shuttle to take you there. You don't want to walk through the hood after all...

By the way, avoid walking in the area surrounding the hospital. Your safety may be compromised as you note the neighborhood is home to the street gangs and various hoodlums. Never fear, we have crack security staff that patrols in cars, on bikes, in golf cars, on foot, equipped with tasers and batons to protect you and your loved ones. We have a "they ain't gettin' in here" philosophy when it comes to our neighbors. 

Yes we can meet all your needs here at hood hospitals, and by the way we also provide medical care...